Johnny’s Workshop

July 30, 2008

A sample of my early prose.

Filed under: Writing — april15th @ 8:56 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

My grandmother, bless her, recently unearthed some of my early creative work:

In the years since, my handwriting has noticeably improved.

In the years since, my handwriting has noticeably improved.

Yeah, those were the days; back when Mum – sorry, “mummy” – could unlawfully seize my hard-earned birthday money and use it to buy me clothes. What a scam! Only now, with the benefit of hindsight, can I appreciate that she was trying to teach me an important lesson about the dangers of “big government.”

I’m still trying to work out what I’d written before that almost-imperceptible transition to the word “clothes.” Was it “claths”? Damn, I hope not.



  1. There’s no ‘e’ in “coming”. And where’s your punctuation, dumbass?? Awwww… I’m kidding… seriously that’s freakin’ adorable. I think you’d started off with a ‘d’ and an ‘a’, but then you turned the ‘d’ into an ‘l’ and the ‘a’ into an ‘o’. The ‘c’ and the ‘e’ are clearly afterthoughts. Hmmm… is a ‘dath’ an Australian toy of some kind? Maybe you were hoping you could spend your money on daths, but then your mom said, “No chance! We’re buying clothes!”. Man, what a rip-off.

    Comment by Sheri — July 31, 2008 @ 12:56 pm | Reply

  2. I wonder if the childhood trauma of having my chief source of income callously wrenched from my innocent little hands inspired my priorities as an adult. In particular, my abject unwillingness to spend money on new clothes ahead of fun things like camcorders, computer hardware, movie tickets, chocolate, etc.

    By the way, if any more of these letters are uncovered, I’ll definitely add them to the blog. This one seems likely to remain a favourite, though. I love that it includes so many imperfections, even though it was clear that I’d tried pretty hard to make it good! There’s the change of pen colour after the first five lines, all the grammatical errors (inconsistent use of capitalisation, etc.), the scribbling out of errors, running out of space at the end, and I particularly like how, on the second last line, I wrote “me” on the wrong line. I would have agonised over that mistake.

    Comment by april15th — July 31, 2008 @ 1:32 pm | Reply

  3. Awwww…poor dumb li’l Johnny…

    Comment by Sheri — August 1, 2008 @ 12:41 pm | Reply

  4. Awww… now I’m thinking of that adorable picture of you when you were about that age… all mischievous and up to no good…. I feel bad now!

    PS: Hey Johnny, how old were you when wrote this letter?

    Comment by Sheri — August 2, 2008 @ 2:21 am | Reply

  5. Twenty-eight.

    Comment by april15th — August 2, 2008 @ 2:25 am | Reply

  6. Haa haa ha!! I set ’em up…. you knock ’em down.

    Nicely done.

    (I’m still laughing!)

    Comment by Sheri — August 2, 2008 @ 2:28 am | Reply

  7. Awww…. Despite all the obstacles, you came so close to finishing it without fucking it up.
    But then you did fuck it up… BIG TIME, FUCKTARD!

    P.S. Dont forget to change your underwear this week.
    Love, Mummy

    Comment by mummy — August 3, 2008 @ 10:59 pm | Reply

  8. You deleted me here as well! It’s a conspiracy!

    Comment by strange loop — August 4, 2008 @ 10:05 pm | Reply

  9. Incorrect, Sir! I’ve been preoccupied these past couple of days and didn’t have an opportunity to maintain the ol’ blog with my usual vigour and efficiency.

    Comments, incidentally, don’t appear until I’ve read them and confirmed that they’re cool and more or less devoid of unwarranted abuse. For instance, the one from “mummy” (whose IP address was surprisingly similar to yours, Nathaniel) involved constructive criticism and was thus permitted to see the light of day.

    I’ve only ever deleted two comments and on each occasion, it was to keep the Chinese people in the dark about the misdeeds of their government. In other words, I had good reason.

    Comment by april15th — August 4, 2008 @ 10:59 pm | Reply

  10. “We will love John-Paul … See you on Monday” – I didn’t know that back then you needed all this third person, affirmation crap. But, perhaps that’s why you’re such the upstart young gentleman you are today. Wish mummy had instilled such chants to me, then perhaps I’d be a fully functioning adult.

    Comment by Suzy J. — August 12, 2008 @ 4:05 pm | Reply

  11. fricken awsome i love the spelling of NaNa haha na na!


    Comment by cousin jen — August 18, 2008 @ 4:39 pm | Reply

  12. by the way did you run out of ink?

    Comment by cousin jen — August 18, 2008 @ 4:40 pm | Reply

  13. Thanks for the comments, Jen!

    I did run out of ink. Probably cried about it, too.

    Comment by april15th — August 22, 2008 @ 7:17 am | Reply

  14. That’s adorable.

    I wish my handwriting was that good as a kid. I didn’t get my pen licence until I was 8.

    Comment by Mel — February 12, 2009 @ 10:04 pm | Reply

  15. I read this again, it really is the cutest thing ever. You should post more.

    Comment by Sheri — March 6, 2009 @ 2:55 pm | Reply

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