Johnny’s Workshop

March 23, 2007

Little-Known Records

Filed under: Uncategorized — april15th @ 8:34 am

After much internal debate, I’ve decided to begin with ten samples from the single-panel cartoon series I created in 2004. Ideas for each panel were brought to life courtesy of Suzy’s artistic talent and a mutual desire of ours to become richer than astronauts.

Little-Known Records

(Click on the images for full-sized versions.)




The idea for the series came about one day whilst sitting on the staircase with friends, leafing through a copy of The Guinness Book of Records. For some reason, the 1994 edition of the book includes a listing for “Most Inaccurate Version of Pi” which reads: “In 1897, the General Assembly of Indiana, USA enacted a bill stating that pi was de jure 4, when even the Bible manages to imply that pi equals 3.”

On seeing the record, one of us insisted, “I can do worse than that … how about 6?” to which another responded, “What about … 27,000?” Ideas for other records that had failed to make it into the GBR—such as Least Funny Nuclear Meltdown and Most Laughably Optimistic Combover—were then discussed and because we were all laughing, I thought, “Hello hello … there seems to be some potential here for a parody of The Guinness Book of Records. Better not tell the others.”

A few nights earlier, I’d promised myself that I would make more of an effort to actually write down half-decent ideas, so that one was hastily scrawled onto a piece of scrap paper and, shortly thereafter, Little-Known Records was born. I think it was a 2B pencil I used to write down the idea. Actually, no, it was probably HB.

In the weeks that followed, I came up with a total of 755 records and of those selected 50 for the cartoon series. Over a two-month period, Suzy and I worked virtually all day every day to create each of the fifty panels and the rest … is history.

Or, to put it another way, the rest isn’t worth mentioning because the series was summarily rejected by every single newspaper, magazine and publishing syndicate to which it was sent. Eventually, I just stopped sending submissions because everyone who responded gave it a lot of praise but still declined to publish. I had neither the time nor the inclination to deal with their childish head games.

I’m still hopeful the series will be published one day. I’ve just given up on finding someone willing to give it a chance. Of course, it doesn’t help that I have no connections within the publishing industry …



  1. That’s funny, you’re funny!

    Comment by Suzy J. — March 23, 2007 @ 11:47 am | Reply

  2. Hey man,

    Nice work. An entry AT LAST. And a fine one at that. Hoorah! I still say you should put the others up. You know, a complete works.

    This will be a hard act to follow. So, heads down, JP.

    Richer than astronauts, eh? Tony Fuckwithead might be able to help you there.

    I’ve run out of juice.


    Comment by Crommo — March 23, 2007 @ 11:58 am | Reply

  3. Ohh man…the “World’s Oldest Matador” gets me every frickin’ time… he looks so frail, clinging on to that IV pole for dear life. You know he doesn’t stand a chance in hell, but you’re rootin’ for him anyway! Poor little bugger…

    Heyy… where is “Cockiest Stride”?? I loved that guy! He strode like nobody’s business! “I’m Charles Bradbury, you see!”

    Other than that, good on ya! A stellar first entry!

    Comment by Sheri — March 23, 2007 @ 2:37 pm | Reply

  4. I don’t get the funny orange
    Maybe I’m tooooo oldddd

    Comment by Jules — March 25, 2007 @ 2:07 am | Reply

  5. Surely not! Funniest Orange has always been a divisive one. Some people read it and stare blankly or search for something funny. Then there are others – Lisa, for example – who deem it the best panel in the whole series.

    Comment by april15th — March 25, 2007 @ 3:26 am | Reply

  6. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LOOK! It’s Mr. I don’t need to comment!
    You been holdin out on me JP. Shame. How long has this been goin on behind my back?

    Here’s some constructive critisicm for ya….


    Stick that up your blog and smoke it.


    PS: Good to have you on the team buddy. I knew you’d come around. :’)

    Comment by Ed — March 28, 2007 @ 8:41 am | Reply

  7. Haa ha!! “stick that up your blog and smoke it…” Either I’m really tired or Ed is really funny.

    Comment by canadiansheri — March 28, 2007 @ 9:12 am | Reply

  8. I don’t think I’ve ever refered to you, or heard anyone refer to you as Johnny.

    Comment by Ed — March 28, 2007 @ 2:56 pm | Reply

  9. Admittedly, only a few people do. Mum and Dad, for example. Originally, I was going to title the blog “John-Paul’s Workshop” but “Johnny’s Workshop” sounded a lot more vibrant and upbeat; the kind of place you’d want to visit on a regular basis. Notice how I also opted for a nice ‘Christmassy’ green for the title? Yeah, that was no accident.

    Comment by april15th — March 28, 2007 @ 3:56 pm | Reply

  10. Yeah it work’s for me. It actually reminds me a touch of your room: Plain, but still bathed in a natural warmth.

    Comment by Ed — March 28, 2007 @ 4:12 pm | Reply

  11. WOW Johnny, you’re so imaginative with your clever green title! Hmmmmm?? *tussles hair* You little scamp!

    Comment by Sheri — March 28, 2007 @ 5:38 pm | Reply

  12. Oh, Sheri! You mussed up his hair all good and proper! Look at ‘im! Li’l cutie, li’l cutie!

    Here you go, boy! Have a penny!

    Comment by Suzy J. — March 30, 2007 @ 10:30 am | Reply

  13. Haa ha! “Have a penny”… that’s good. I’m just imagining you flicking a penny with your thumbnail onto the ground and watching with amusement as he scrambles for it…his eyes all alit with excitement.

    By the way Johnny, I wanted to mention that I picked up on your “richer than astronauts” quote. Sometimes I miss ‘The Simpsons’ references, but I caught that one. Aren’t I clever?!

    Comment by canadiansheri — April 2, 2007 @ 6:49 pm | Reply

  14. Still LMAO every time I see those mate. My fave has to be the funniest orange, no idea why… it just cracks me up!
    Not quite sure why the woman with the err nice hair was drawn in the setting of my mothers bedroom O_o

    Post more!

    Comment by Amb — April 5, 2007 @ 10:31 am | Reply

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